god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
