we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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