I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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