I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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