i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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