You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
