We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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