He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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