so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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