he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
