ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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