You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I love you. Go after that dick
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
