Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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