don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
