i may or may not be watching the land before time
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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