Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
