Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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