True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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