i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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