oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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