we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
