She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
