I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
