never play flip cup with pint glasses
Say something about gay babies.
I am spending my child support on dildos
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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