Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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