I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
