Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
