the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
either way he was missing a nipple.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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