PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
