we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
