Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
