A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
