I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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