i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
