you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
