I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
