Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
