i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
