So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
