he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
