There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
