Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
