I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
