but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Everything about him screamed your future.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
