Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
