if only i could text you this smell
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
