Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
