For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
