I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
