wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
