HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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