no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
