it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
