So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize