Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
