I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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