Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I forgot wine drunk hurts
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
