thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
