where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
