Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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