If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
