a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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