i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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