dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
