after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
