I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
