oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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