I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
