You're completely useless in the revolution.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The beer is more important than you right now.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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