I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
