she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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