You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
