these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
