I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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