there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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