she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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